Ten Minutes: Karaoke

Nothing can make or break a night like karaoke. Entering a bar and seeing a deserted microphone stand bathed in cheap lighting is a harrowing moment. Before long, you know a heavy-handed MC will appear to encourage singing in front of strangers. While a solid live performance can really bring a room to life, too many drunken patrons mumbling over a loudspeaker is a quick way to ruin a good time. If you decide to partake, please, please, put a little showmanship into it. I’m praying that you come from a long, storied bloodline of karaoke performers. I don’t want to have to awkwardly stare at my beer for four minutes while you stumble through Cher lyrics with neither devotion nor half the talent. If this is a practice run, I suggest you reschedule and go back to singing in your shower, where only your roommates and the government can hear you.